10 january talk – applying dhamma to your daily life by Brother Yi wei

This Saturday, we had the privilege of listening to Yi wei, an ex-youth head in BFY. Due to the high number of newcomers in the new year, talks tend to be based around easy-to-digest topics such as the eightfold path and its impact on our daily lives. In this week’s talk, it was no different as Bro Yi wei used the 5 percepts to talk about how it affects our lives. Many of us allow greed and sloth to affect how we think and act. He provided several examples where we let our emotions get the better of us without thinking through it, and as a result we end up getting hurt due to consequences in which we could have avoided to begin with. By applying the 5 percepts in areas such as being calm when emotions are high, we get to keep our morality up and prevent any conflict of it in our daily lives. Furthermore, our lives can be improved in this way by avoiding these pitfalls. For example, keeping away from intoxicants can promote better focus in mindfulness and attention, as well as the additional little bonus of cutting down on spending. In conclusion, there are many ways in which we can apply seemingly complex Buddhist themes into our lives and how amazing it can be in being relevant to us. I hope this encourages you to maintain your practice!

"Courage in the Face of Harm: Teachings of Far-Reaching Fortitude" by Venerable Thubten Chodron - 8 & 9 December

This is part of a series of talks by Venerable Chodron. I am posting the notes that I took down from all those that I attended. I found this 2 part talk one of the best talks that as it is on what many of us struggle with. The talk is based on Chapter 6 of "A Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life" by Shantideva. It is very insightful as it reasons with and questions our unreasonable mind.

Part 1

Jealousy is being unable to tolerate other people's success but has nothing to do with us. Somehow we can't stand people being a little happier or talented, when it has nothing to do with us. Why are we made jealous when someone we take care of becomes happy and able to take care of themselves? What about our wish for others to be happy?

It's caring about ourselves and letting others suffer. Why does it matter if my enemy gets something? Even if they didn't we don't get anything either. Why do we destroy our good qualities by being angry? Anger is the real enemy not the other person or ourselves. We don't have remorse for our negativities but find ways to justify them.

"Even if your enemy was made unhappy or suffer as you wish, what is there for you to be joyful about? Your merely wishing for them to be hurt did not cause them to be injured."

If our enemies were happy they won't do the things we don't like. They hurt us because they're unhappy. So we must especially wish them to be happy.

What kind of person are we that we rejoice when someone else suffers? It doesn't explain good character, does it?

"Our disturbing conceptions are like a fish being caught on a hook and we are gonna be cooked." Our jealousy harms ourselves much more than it harms others. It can even drive us to kill the one we love.

We all want praise but will not give us merit. What good does it do to us? What benefit do we derive? Merit is what's truly beneficial at death. It doesn't give us strength, freedom from sickness, prolong our lives, save us from death and lower realms, doesn't help us practise and get closer to enlightenment. Being famous has consequences too; celebrities can't even walk down the street in peace.

If I just want a little happiness these desires won't be important. We won't prioritise things like praise.

What good does it do if we die doing sth amazing eg jump off a plane in the stratosphere to get fame? What do mere words do for us when we are dead? After we are dead how are we benefitted even if the whole world acknowledges and praises us? 

When our praise and reputation decline we howl like a child when their sand castles collapse. We put so much energy into being rich and famous. When it collapses we feel totally lost. 1 person criticizes us and we can fall apart. Why do we get so upset when 1 person criticizes us? Why do we get so much more upset and caught up with that than someone getting beheaded?

Sounds are inanimate so they can't praise me. But it is fine as other people are happy to give me praise. But I am not benefitted by this because their happiness belongs to them and doesn't affect me. And if that's the case if they praise our enemy we should be happy too. And so I should be happy when others are happy, why am I unhappy when they get pleasure? Happiness that arises from thinking I'm being praised is invalid and is the behaviour of a child.

Do we like people who rejoice in others' suffering? We won't respect them. Someone who beheads another person is really sadistic. So is someone who rejoices when people are sick, miserable, divorced etc. We don't respect them. So we shouldn't respect ourselves when we hold grudges, want other to suffer and rejoice in their suffering.

Ask ourselves:

1. Do I respect myself?

2. What kind of example am I providing to others when I hold onto grudges? What kind of energy are we sending out? Especially with younger siblings and children.

Fighting and much killing have occurred because centuries ago, their ancestors fought. It's totally stupid. They teach kids to be prejudiced, hate others, and not forgive them for things they did. It is terrible for the younger generation. It is a vicious cycle, grandparents fight, then parents generation fight, and then children don't talk to each other.

3. What is it that I really wanted in that situation? Sometimes what we were mad about isn't what we were wanting. Eg we get mad when someone declines our invitation to a party when they're free. What we wanted was their friendship. It's not necessarily that they're rejecting me there could be another reason. Even if they don't wanna be friends with me there are so many others whom I can be friends with? They're just one person why do we put all our eggs in one basket?

When we feel victimized we are angry because we are hurt. We may have difficulty acknowledging our anger and we blame ourselves. Was that person's feedback accurate? If it's true then we own it. If not no point to be angry. The person could just be in a bad mood and we happen to there. It's the same for us too. Sometimes we don't see it coming and don't see our mistakes. Practise these antidotes when we meditate and apply them to unresolved situations. They'll only work when we get familiar with them.

Be content with the present moment as what is is.

Part 2

The mind may not internalize eg that happiness by being praised is the behaviour of a child. But external conditions are beyond our control.

"Praise and so forth distract me, and also undermine my disillusion with cyclic existence. I start to envy those with good qualities and all the very best is destroyed."

Instead of paying attention to the dhamma we turn our attention to trying to gain praise and approval from others. It distracts us from practising. We start clinging to this trapping us on cyclic existence.

All based on "I want love, appreciation, praise, approval etc", so when other ppl get it but we don't get as much as we think we should, then we get very unhappy and destroy our own happiness.

If attachment to praise makes us do things like being nasty, lying etc, aren't those who destroy our praise helping us to overcome the attachment and overcome creating the cause for the lower rebirths? This is a way to think so we don't get so hurt. Meanwhile they're creating the cause to be reborn in the lower realms for screaming at us. We get the best deal.

It's easy to think of kindness of our friends and relatives, but these people who are difficult they are kind to us by creating the causes for our karma to ripen. Who's kinder to me, the Buddha or the nasty person? The nasty person. To become a Buddha we need to complete the 6 perfections including fortitude. We need to practise fortitude with people who are mean to us and make us upset. Without those people we can't become a Buddha.

I, striving for freedom don't need material gain and honor to be enlightened. It's a distraction. So why be angry with those who free us from that? Eg criticizing us, not respecting us, getting in our way or acquiring possessions?

People who praise us get us attached and bound to cyclic existence.

People can praise to manipulate us and we fall for it. And get angry with the well meaning person who tells us that.

Those who wish to cause us suffering are like Buddhas bestowing waves of blessing as they help us overcome our attachments. It doesn't mean we let them continue to harm us but we can transform the situation instead of being angry.

But what if someone should obstruct us gaining merit? But it's incorrect to be angry. Since there is no fortitude similar to patience, surely I should put it into practice.

"If due to my own failings I'm not patient with the enemy, then it's only I who am preventing myself from practicing this cause to create merit.

If without the enemy, fortitude will not be, and with it, fortitude comes to be, then since the enemy will be the cause of fortitude, then how can we say that the enemy prevents it?"

A beggar is not an obstacle to generosity; we need one to practise it. If I have not injured others before few will cause me harm. My uncontrolled mind started it.

When we think about those who hurt us, we forget about all the dhamma teachings. We remember when others hurt us but have to remind ourselves for everything else.

When we are mad we aren't shy, we yell and scream for the whole world to hear. But we can be shy even to say a few kind words.

I've criticized people so I get criticized. Do I criticize other people more or do I get criticized more? I may criticize many people everyday but may not get criticized everyday.Therefore just like treasure appearing in our house without any effort to obtain it, we should be happy to have enemies as they assist us in our conduct of awakening.

We are so stuck to cyclic existence, but dhamma is the opposite. What makes the least sense to us actually makes the most sense to it.

Because we able to practise patience with those who try to hurt us, they're worthy of being given the very first fruits of my patience. For in this way they are the cause of it. Just like Buddha taught his first sermon to the ascetics although following their practice almost killed him.

Why should we give veneration to those who don't want us to gain fortitude but just criticism? Then why give veneration to the Dhamma when it has no intention to benefit me? It just is. It's a fit cause for practise. That doesn't disqualify them from being objects of our respect.

Our enemies intend to cause us harm, how can we venerate them? But without them we can't practise fortitude. Patience is developed because of someone with a hateful mind. That person should be of veneration just like the dhamma as they're a cause of patience.

When we have anger in our mind, anyone can become an enemy over the slightest thing. To deal with any strong emotion is to practise the antidotes to it in meditation. Take out situations and apply antidotes. Is this person worth destroying my merit? Once we start thinking how good we are we have fallen down.

Can we trust our interpretation of our memories? Is our interpretation correct or not? Practise more and see the distortions and afflictions.

How to forgive people who cause very real harm eg suicide bombers? How's that person thinking? That person is worthy of compassion as their minds are completely messed up. We can stop them without hating them.

There are people whom we respect sometimes and don't respect sometimes. We don't like being told what to do even if it's good advice, or don't agree with the advice. Just nod and say thank you, I'll consider that.

If something can be changed, there is no reason to be angry as we can change it. If something can't be changed, no reason to be angry as we can't change it. Stop biting the hook of a naggy person. Instead of focusing on anger, focus on what we are doing. Can make a joke about it. Eg I'm flat footed like Donald Duck. You can't put heels on Donald Duck.

Complaining about bosses, it goes against compassion. Being a boss you have to be a sponge for negativity and no one has compassion for you. It's not easy.

A person may do despicable actions but is capable of doing good. Everyone has the Buddha nature. We try to separate the person and the action. If we think of the worst thing you did in your whole life, would we want to be judged by that? We know we are not the action and have done things that are worthwhile and good.

When we say someone is evil we put them in a category and throw them away. They cease to be human beings with feelings and the Buddha nature.

If we have strong attachment and get really uncontrolled, don't go anywhere near that object like porn. Eg put child controls on every device.

"Going Home" by Bro Yue Guang - 3 January

Bro Yue Guang is one of the ex-Presidents of BFY. He is currently studying in Melbourne and his talk was largely based on his overseas experience.

He started off with a discussion of what "home" means to us. Home can be identified as a place, and with physical things like our favorite soft toys; a place we can be ourselves. But when we have to be away from our physical home, we can find home not in a physical place but whenever we don't want to be anywhere else with no worries.

A question to us is when everything is going wrong, are we able to feel at home, being at peace with the situation?

He told us of one of his experiences. During a course, he had been canoeing around Singapore for a full day, and then the current got so strong that he and his buddy were canoeing on the same spot for 3 hours. They managed to make it to the safety rope set up by their instructor but decided to go back to help their friend. That was when a strong wave came. Their canoe was swept away and they were left holding onto the rope for dear life. Their instructor and friends were nowhere near to help. The current was so strong, it was already dark, they were exhausted and on the verge of slipping off the rope. He thought that if this was the end, perhaps it isn't so bad if he can be at peace. He positioned himself parallel to the current so there was less force. At that point he was simply in the moment, not wanting to be anywhere else. They were eventually rescued.

When we aren't at home, in an external environment, we can start being afraid of what we say or do, making us nervous etc to our own disadvantage. It's not good for us at all to not be ourselves. An example is when Bro Yue Guang entered a lecture theatre where he was the minority race. He could get all nervous, but he was at home at present moment without the external chatter, worrying about where to sit, who to talk to etc. When he was at ease he was strong enough to reach out to other people. When someone approached him to talk to, he could be genuine.

A side effect of this inner peace is that people may think we don't really care like during disasters. But we have to ask ourselves: are we getting swept by the media and society or are we home, true to ourselves? Eg people were so sad when Princess Diana died when she isn't even related to them.

We are always thinking we have to do something but it's important to be home with the present moment at times. We felt it when Bro Yue Guang deliberately put pauses between his words as he spoke. We weren't thinking about what's for dinner or wanted to be anywhere else.

3 steps to being at home:

1. Recognise (the place, emotion etc) such as how you recognize a physical home.

2. Familiarity.

3. Become at ease.

We can jump to step 3 straightaway especially in life threatening situations.

To achieve being at home:

Have a code of ethics which is the 5 precepts. When we have blamelessness and lead a moral life it is easier to just relax.

Have appreciative joy through humility, being happy with the situation eg rejoice in others' achievements even if we aren't benefitting. We get a peace of mind when we are less self-centred and desire less.

Have compassion. Wherever we are, try to reach out to people. Gives peace of mind to meditate.

To be in the present moment, bring awareness back to present moment, breath, physical sensations etc. Appreciate surroundings eg how the tiles connect, a flower we see etc. We can do this especially when we get tense and may be thinking too much. We can recognize that many conditions are beyond our control and to be at peace when we have done our best.

Q&A

How to forgive oneself?

Notice the physical effect of guilt - tension, constantly thinking and blaming ourselves. Then we just don't want to do this anymore. What's done is done. Everyone makes mistakes. We have a right to make mistakes and to be angry at ourselves. But recognize everyone does. Think of those instances when we feel so at peace and we can love the entire world. Eg when we are helping someone genuinely. We don't realise how many people we have touched as we are so caught up in our troubles. We can write these in a diary to motivate ourselves.

An eg: A soldier was traumatized as he killed 6 children when he was trying to get back at his enemies. But he was asked how many children can he help? He turned his life around, helping many, many more children.

To sum up (written by Bro Yue Guang) build your house with:

5 precepts as 5 foundation pillars (they ensure you have a clean conscience) 

Bricks of humility that can weather hot or cold i.e. insult or praise. (this makes you drop the ego and desire) 

Paint the walls with loving kindness and compassion (they bring you peace) 

Fill the inside with warm white light of gratitude (gratitude is antidote for ill will) 

Most importantly, a meditation cushion or room for you to have your own solitude and meditate. 

Second most importantly is a comfortable bed to get good sleep so that sloth and torpor won't hinder your mindfulness.

Faces of FY - Weixing

Hi there! Registration for the camp is closing TODAY 2359!! This will be the last Faces of BFY. So don't wait any longer! Sign up at http://bit.ly/pushingboundaries_4 NOW!

'Time stays long enough for those who use it- has been said so many times but it can be so hard to achieve. In my case, i would have loved to be more motivated to try to fulfill the expectations of those around me and to be a better person if possible' - Weixing