One way is to see it as sth external, beyond our control. Very often we don't understand that external things are beyond our control and feel upset. We can look on things as external conditions. Things happen due to several external conditions coming together eg why people act a certain way, even if they seem very senseless there is a reason for their behaviour.
If we don't understand this, we will tend not to see things as they are and instead be swept by our judgments and emotions, and can even fall into depression. We have a tendency of blaming the situation.
Anything that arises will surely cease. When one of the conditions that creates the situation is no longer that, the situation will cease. Hence we should have patience that it will go away.
Eg if someone says something nasty, we will usually get angry. Before that, there wasn't anything. It is something external. Reacting does not create the conditions for it to go away but instead the person may say something nasty back and the situation may snowball. This is how many conflicts arise; over more minor things that snowball because people do not give them a chance to cease. It doesn't matter if they deserve to be scolded; just leave the matter and see their speech as just words. Don't provide the conditions for the conflict to continue.
Think of people like how dogs will bark. People are nasty due to conditions. Don't take their words so personally. They aren't perfect beings as we aren't, that's why we come to this path. It can be difficult, as we may have to correct years of bad habits.
Story: during Buddha's time, 2 clans were about to go to war. When asked, they pointed to the other party insulting them but were unsure of the original reason for conflict. The source turned out to be a quarrel between 2 farmers; one built a dam which deprived the other of water. The Buddha asked them if they would rather fill the river with blood or come to a compromise so all can share the water. They came to a compromise. We should go back to things in their raw form; we add layers and make mountains out of molehills. We should find the root cause whenever there are problems and conflict and resolve it from there.
Conditions change; things were different moments ago from now. When things aren't going our way, or it seems there is no way out, remember that things will change. These are just due to conditions that will change. Thinking about how we are suffering and how miserable we are will fuel our suffering even more. Be with nature, and this reminds us of the transient nature of things.
On an inner level we have hatred and anger which are suffering.
We must understand suffering before we can talk about other things. We often try to escape suffering instead of trying to understand it, thinking that our suffering will go away by going on holiday. We are unable to face it and see it for what it is.
Eg did badly for exams, try to hide it and avoid the issue which creates more problems.
Material things can't get us out of suffering. It will come back, and we may be unable to deal with it.
1st noble truth - understand there is suffering.
2nd noble truth - we must understand the cause, rather than escaping.
3rd noble truth - gives us hope.
4th noble truth - we have the ability to get out of suffering. Suffering comes about because of our own doing so it is within our power to get ourselves out of it
Experience these for ourselves and understand them, rather than just knowing what they are on paper.
Understanding suffering makes our happiness more long-lasting and satisfactory. If our happiness relies on having things, it is very unstable and fragile.
There is suffering with aging; we will lose our good looks, and cannot do what we used to do anymore.
Material things aren't symbols of happiness; just because we have them does not mean we have to be happy.
We should start with understanding 4 Noble Truths and Eightfold Path
For the Eightfold Path, we take the 5 precepts to uphold morality. Pay a lot of attention to them.
The 5 precepts are not commandments, but to exercise restraint for our own good eg when there is anger. We are heirs to our own karma, we choose for ourselves
right speech; avoid slandering, lying, gossiping which can be through social media, whatsapp etc in addition to talking. Instead we should practise using speech to convey kindness, love and concern for others. We should have the mindset of wanting to provide harmony, peace and non-violence wherever we are.
We should always question ourselves if we have broken the precepts. If we have try to make amends. If not, we don't have anything to worry. Precepts get us out of trouble eg by abstaining from alcohol, we will never go drink-driving.
Mental cultivation is for us to cultivate a peaceful mind. We spend lots of time grooming ourselves physically. But how often do we spend time grooming our mind? How often do we form judgments and prejudice and blame people and things?
No matter what we do, the physical will not last, we will age. However if we cultivate the mind it can only get stronger.
It's about our thoughts, our understanding. Understand that things are impermanent and are subject to conditions, if not we suffer.
Are we as full of anger, hatred and negativity as what's going on in the world? No need to be pessimistic. We have a choice no matter what happens. If a person is angry and stirs up anger in us, we can choose not to act rather than say we can't help it. We can choose whether to use wholesome or unwholesome speech. Regardless of what happens outside, we can still bring out our qualities of compassion and equanimity. We don't have to be affected and we can flourish the 4 immeasurables - compassion, loving-kindness, sympathetic joy and equanimity. The seeds are in us, try to decrease unwholesome tendencies and increase these wholesome ones. Enlightened beings demonstrate the human potential; they are physically similar to us but have cultivated their mind.
No matter what the conditions are, there are bound to be dissatisfactory conditions; there is no ideal world. Even subtle things like not getting the grades we want or things not going our way are suffering. Ask ourselves why we suffer; reflect. We would often blame and ask why people are like that but fail to look inwards.
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